Monday, July 12, 2010

One of my problems... that I don't think that I'm fat. Well, of course, I know that I'm fat, overweight, obese, however you want to phrase it. But, on a daily basis, minute-by-minute, I think of me as just "me," not as some "fat lady."

It's kind of like how I don't really think of myself as being 45. I know when I was born, and I know what year it is now, but in my mind, I'm about 28.  In that same, apparently delusional mind, I weigh 150, maybe 180 pounds. I'm a little overweight. I need to lose a few pounds.

And then, something happens to remind me of reality.

One common reminder is shopping. It seems that no matter how high I start with the sizes, I'm still bigger than I think I am. Then, once I find a size that fits, I hate everything there is in that size. I look terrible in most clothes, especially the less expensive clothes from the discount stores.

Another reminder is when I have to fit in somewhere, an airline seat, a restaurant booth, a bathroom stall...I usually just barely fit. Even riding in the car reminds me of how fat I am...the seat belt doesn't fall correctly across my chest, and it drives me crazy.

The biggest problem with not remembering how big I am is that I think that one bowl of ice cream or one bag of chips or one more cola won't hurt. My brain is saying, "Yeah, we know we need to lose a few pounds, but one more won't matter."

But, finding the balance between reminding yourself how much you need to lose while not beating yourself up over it, isn't easy. I'm trying to keep "healthy eating" at the top of my mind. What was that marketing phrase from the 1990s? "Top of mind awareness."

Last night, we went to my parents' house for dinner and to drop our daughter off for a week-long visit with her grandparents. They grilled hamburgers. I had one veggie burger and a couple of handfuls of baked potato chips. I was offered another burger several times, but I turned them down. And, when my mom started serving up the ice cream that is a staple at their house, I jumped up and announced that we had to get home, since I had to work today. "Don't you want some ice cream? Just a little bowl?" they asked. "No, thanks! We need to get going!"

I haven't told them I'm trying to eat healthfully or that I'm trying to lose weight. What's the point? I've told them before, and I've always slipped back into bad behaviors. I've told my husband about my loosely made "plan," but I haven't told him about this blog. I just want to get a little success behind me before I start talking about any of it to anyone close by.

What are some of your obstacles in weight loss? What are some of your strategies for coping and/or succeeding? I'd love to hear from others who are in this situation.


  1. Clearly your brain knows you are fat because it speaks to you in the plural! (I'm kidding you about saying, "Yeah, we know 'we' need to lose a few pounds. . ." :) It made me giggle. I used to have a Japanese trainer who told me tighten my "stomachs.")

    I know how you feel, Carla. I know I'm fat, but just not always "HOW" fat. I had to fly this last weekend. It wasn't pretty.

    Keep on eating healthfully. It's great you said "no" to your mom more than once--I find that very challenging!


  2. Hey there!
    Have you ever considered a Bodybugg? I have had one for a bit now and it is an amazing tool to help control your appetite and cravings. Since I got it I have dropped roughly a pound every 2 days. Which is too fast I know but its so easy to do. It tracks your daily calories burned and also if you are honest and meticulous with your food logging you can get an accurate amount you can eat still or how much more you should move. It really is an amazing tool. You can get on 24hr Fitness website for $75 less than it sells for on Amazon. Of all the gadgets and weightloss gear I have this one has been the number one way I have lost weight and have been able to keep it off.

    Good luck and if you have any questions send me an email or come to my site.

  3. I actually did the same thing, in that I told no one except my husband and my closest sister that I was losing weight. I've realized that if/when I tell my mom, all of a sudden she's got lots of "helpful hints" to help me lose weight, and I start to feel pressured and bam! I'm no longer losing weight. So I've been losing weight since September 2009, but have only started to hint to people that I'm losing weight. I figure I've got until they notice before they start pressuring me.

    Good luck to you! I'm always loving making new friends, and I'm a great listener, so if you want a friend, send me a note!

  4. I totes understand about the not feeling fat thing. I know I am fat, but I don't feel like I am. So I always get a little miffed when people take an extra amount of space to pass me or when they say excuse me. I just don't feel like I take up as much space as I do.


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