...is that I don't think that I'm fat. Well, of course, I know that I'm fat, overweight, obese, however you want to phrase it. But, on a daily basis, minute-by-minute, I think of me as just "me," not as some "fat lady."
It's kind of like how I don't really think of myself as being 45. I know when I was born, and I know what year it is now, but in my mind, I'm about 28. In that same, apparently delusional mind, I weigh 150, maybe 180 pounds. I'm a little overweight. I need to lose a few pounds.
And then, something happens to remind me of reality.
One common reminder is shopping. It seems that no matter how high I start with the sizes, I'm still bigger than I think I am. Then, once I find a size that fits, I hate everything there is in that size. I look terrible in most clothes, especially the less expensive clothes from the discount stores.
Another reminder is when I have to fit in somewhere, an airline seat, a restaurant booth, a bathroom stall...I usually just barely fit. Even riding in the car reminds me of how fat I am...the seat belt doesn't fall correctly across my chest, and it drives me crazy.
The biggest problem with not remembering how big I am is that I think that one bowl of ice cream or one bag of chips or one more cola won't hurt. My brain is saying, "Yeah, we know we need to lose a few pounds, but one more won't matter."
But, finding the balance between reminding yourself how much you need to lose while not beating yourself up over it, isn't easy. I'm trying to keep "healthy eating" at the top of my mind. What was that marketing phrase from the 1990s? "Top of mind awareness."
Last night, we went to my parents' house for dinner and to drop our daughter off for a week-long visit with her grandparents. They grilled hamburgers. I had one veggie burger and a couple of handfuls of baked potato chips. I was offered another burger several times, but I turned them down. And, when my mom started serving up the ice cream that is a staple at their house, I jumped up and announced that we had to get home, since I had to work today. "Don't you want some ice cream? Just a little bowl?" they asked. "No, thanks! We need to get going!"
I haven't told them I'm trying to eat healthfully or that I'm trying to lose weight. What's the point? I've told them before, and I've always slipped back into bad behaviors. I've told my husband about my loosely made "plan," but I haven't told him about this blog. I just want to get a little success behind me before I start talking about any of it to anyone close by.
What are some of your obstacles in weight loss? What are some of your strategies for coping and/or succeeding? I'd love to hear from others who are in this situation.